sad

For some reason I woke up feeling very sad today. I was remembering the circumstances of my being hired at San Diego State: they weren't pretty. Apparently there had been some sort of pitched battle over the candidates. Anyway, at the end of it I was the only one left standing, so the unfortunate university got me.

All this was shared with me with unkind detail when I was eventually hired. I remember being so excited to be at San Diego State. But I would pass people I had met during my interviews in the halls, and they would ignore me when I said hello. If they spoke to me at all they seemed angry. One guy asked me if I had read a certain book; I thought he was making polite conversation and said something to the effect of "No, that sounds like something I should read!"

He snapped, "Yes, you should," and walked away.

I don't think I've be ever been treated so badly by anyone as I've been treated by the the English faculty who were at San Diego State at that time. The department had a welcome party for me; almost no one came. Those who did brought obviously insulting food items, like part of a package (not even a full one!) of Oreos. And then they left. I think the only thing that got me through that period was that it didn't seem possible for people to be so rude to someone they didn't know at all. So I thought I must have misunderstood.

But there was no misunderstanding. They really did do all that.

Obviously things have gotten better in the fifteen or so years since I've been there, and all those people who felt so entitled to their resentment have long since retired. I have new friends now, and some of them are among the best I've ever had.

But it still bothers me. I don't think you get over inexplicable meanness like that.