morning coffee

I kind of have to wonder about the fact that I've got a brain tumor, and yet my worst, most pounding headaches are the ones I get in the morning, before I've had my cup of coffee.

We must be talking about one serious caffeine addiction.

And there's probably something seriously wrong with the fact that feeling the pain and anticipating the relief are all part of the enjoyment I get out of my morning coffee ritual. If I didn't get that little ecstatic "Ah!" as the coffee headache evaporated, my day just wouldn't be the same. The pain is part of what it is I look forward to relieving when I haul myself into the kitchen to make my first cup. Which means I have to experience it first.

It's a sick and twisted ritual I've established here; I admit it freely. And yet I'd never give it up.

And it's a more complicated ritual than that, of course. As I sip my coffee I read my email, scan the newspaper headlines, and generally sort my priorities. Not that I've done any of that so far. It seemed way more important, this morning, to shout, IT'S ALL ABOUT MEEEEE!

And so, as these first ten minutes of my day continue, I am all about the coffee.

But this, too, is part of the process, as I use these initial moments of the day to wave aside the world's concerns and concentrate solely on what it is that I alone want, right now.

I can't think of any other priority in my life that's so crystallized and yet so easy to satisfy.