what happened

So as most of you know now, I have a brain tumor. There's a standard treatment for this kind of thing--you hit it with radiation and chemotherapy. I'm undergoing the treatments now.

But I guess I never quite explained what happened to me. So here it is.

It began with tingling and numbness in the right side of my body. Symptoms became bad last week, and then worse, until I lost sensation in the right half of my body altogether. A trip to the emergency room accomplished nothing; urgent care was crowded, and they couldn't get me in that night. I had to go home. It was only the next day that they finally determined there was a tumor there. By the weekend I could no longer walk.

Surgery was scheduled for Tuesday. I got biopsied in an incredibly delicate piece of technique, since this tumor goes right down the center of my brain, is next to a lot of delicate stuff, and is hard to reach. I had amazing brain surgeon--Dr. Faith Barnett, of Scripps Hospital. They had to chart their best entry course. The surgery went really well, which means not that they got the thing out of me--it will be treated chemically--but that they were able to get into a very difficult and inaccessible part of my brain to extract enough tissue to determine a treatment program.

Treatment for these things is largely chemical. I started chemotherapy today; with it, many of the symptoms will reduce or perhaps even go away altogether. It will take time and patience, but fortunately I've got loads of both. At the moment I walk now only with difficulty, with a walker I'm learning to use. I can get around, but I need help. I can't drive at all. Things like bathing have become major events in my day--I have a little chair that stands in the bathtub, and I sit on it so that I can use a hand-held water dispenser to wash.

My right hand feels, but it doesn't recognize the things it feels in the same way as before. Some motor coordination is almost okay--typing, for instance, though typing is now slow for me. Other motor coordination is gone. A week ago I could tie a ribbon around my head to keep my hair out of my eyes; today that skill is beyond me. Using a fork is hard. Writing is very hard, though I can do it, producing big childish print letters. Typing--go figure!--is easier.

There are things I will have to learn to do all over again, like walk properly. I can do it now but only with difficulty. It's like I've forgotten how to move those muscles, although they do move. I can't put a pony tail into my hair or do anything that requires inverse mapping.

But it will come back, and even if it doesn't, the body can be retrained. Things may be different than from before, but you get used to things. Soon even this will seem normal. And of course there is always the chance that these symptoms will go away with time and continued treatment.

For now, it has all been an amazing experience. I did not know what I had.