What's it like, having a brain tumor?

What's it like, having a brain tumor? Sort of odd. In the beginning, especially, it was odd. Like floating down a river, in terms of the physical sensation. Nothing hurts, certainly, and generally I feel strangely relaxed.

But there's no bottom--nothing to stand on. You're just floating. Sometimes that can feel a bit relaxing, too, but I think the best way to put it is that you're just in a different mode of being. Sometimes I get a disorienting sense of panic, although that's rare. I just let go in such times--letting yourself cry a bit does wonders--and gradually it all sorts itself out again. I've become strangely accustomed to not knowing what's going on--to hearing a noise upstairs, checking it out, and realizing my mom is here tidying up my house, despite the fact that I don't remember her ever arriving. Sometimes it's the reverse: I think surely someone must be here with me--because there almost always is--but instead there's no one.

It's a strange way of being and experiencing. I keep thinking of just floating down a river....we're all floating, looking at the scenery, doing more with it if we want to. But we don't have to. There's no hurry and no urgency to any of it.