I have entire days in which I cannot screw lids on jars. Does this happen to anyone else? And what is it that causes it? I put the lid on as I always do, give it a brief half-twist to the right, and instead of twisting on neatly and tightly, as it is supposed to do, it jumps a ridge and refuses to go on. So I take it off and try it again. Same thing.
This is not one of my usual musings on the strangeness of brain tumors--at least, I don't think it is (though give me a moment to warm up to my topic and maybe we'll get there!). Because seriously, this has been a semi-regular phenomenon throughout my life, and I've never been able to figure it out, despite having spent way too much time thinking about it. Why would a lid that obviously fits just as it is supposed to do when you first remove it suddenly take it upon itself to not screw on anymore when it comes time to put it back on? What transpired since the last time I put away the jar and this time? And don't even try to tell me this hasn't happened to everyone else on occasion. Especially when it comes to Best Foods Mayonnaise.
Before the tumorous and mind-altering twist of fate that landed me with a cancerous hole in my head, I used to think that non-closing lids were a manifestation of the universe gone awry. Certain days of the year have simply been set aside by the powers that be, during which lids will not screw back on after they've been removed. Either that or a bizarre brain thing that slightly skews your normal sense of perception and balance, so that your hand is just not twisting the way it usually does, even though you think you're doing the same-old-same-old. In which case I suppose this morning's incident could indeed have been the brain tumor.
But I think not; after all, it happens periodically and then I find my lid-screwing-on abilities working just fine the next time I try it. I think it's a matter of the odds. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred the universe harmoniously fits together, everything works, and I can screw lids back on just fine; one out of a hundred I can't. Like brain tumors, there's just no rhyme nor reason to it.
Oh! I guess this was a post about brain tumors, after all.
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1 comment:
This is the worst. The screw-cap jars of today are essentially the same screw-cap jars my grandparents used back before refrigerators. They were designed by disgusting savages from the depths of history.
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