things that make me pretty happy

Well, I'd had no idea, but apparently that steroid really does pump you full of confidence, energy, and inspiration. They've taken me off that now, and poof! All my confidence, energy, and inspiration seem to have vanished along with it. A few months ago I was thinking that a brain tumor might have been exactly the kick in the seat I needed. Now I'm wondering what kind of drugs I was on, thinking something so completely insane.

I've often wondered about the chemical role behind our behaviors. I've known for a long time that depression is all about the chemicals. Some people are balanced and happy without working at it at all; some aren't.

BUT: they say that behavioral changes can also literally change the chemistry of the brain. Writing is great for this. So is playing a musical instrument, or performing a craft. These creative hobbies literally rewire the neural pathways.

So here goes. Things that make me happy pretty much instantly include rice pudding, homemade apple pie, and espresso. Also raisin bagels and fresh deli sandwiches. Coffee shops, like Cafe Calabria in North Park, which brings in pastries from Bread and Cie every day.

Noted for the record: food in general makes me happy. But alas! I'm not sure eating constantly is going to rewire anything. Fortunately I also really like to cook the food I eat, so there's a bit of an activity involved, after all.

So to continue: Certain music also makes me happy, like the theme song from the old Lonely Planet series. I love the Saint-Saenz Organ Symphony. And Prokovief's Cinderella. Recently I spent an evening downloading all those "lost songs" from my teenage years off iTunes. Tons of happy memories get attached to those songs. They're as good as photographs.

Espresso definitely makes me happy. I'll do a lot of work for good espresso, including putting up with a high-end machine that's as finicky as a corgi. In fact, that's what this machine reminds me of: our corgi Cletus, who grunts and mutters, demands various procedures, all on her schedule, and who defiantly squats down in a corner and urinates right in front of everyone when she doesn't get her way. What a dog! This machine is just like her. It turns itself on at random moments of the day or night, grumbles loudly for a few seconds, and then begins flashing electronic demands across its display bar: EMPTY GROUNDS. ADD MORE BEANS. ADD WATER. And this mysterious one: ADD POWDER.

I have no idea what that means, but if I ignore it long enough the message usually goes away. In fact, ignoring things until they go away works a great deal of the time for me--except when we're talking about brain tumors, of course. I guess you can't ignore those entirely.

Although mostly I do.