right brain, left brain

I've been noticing some really interesting things here as my mental capacity comes back. I think I mentioned before some of the early problems with thinking: I have quite a lot of short-term memory loss (I pretty much can't remember anything from the week after the surgery, and there are giant gaps from odd moments in the weeks before, too). Initially the short-term memory problems were so bad that I would have enormous difficulty tracking things that used to be very normal for me--like, say, a daily schedule. I was completely unable, that last night before I went into the hospital, to figure out the reading schedule I'd set for my classes. You've no idea how awful this is, when you suddenly realize you don't have the mental capacity to follow something that used to be so easy for you.

But most of that is back now. I still have lapses now and again, but when people point them out I quickly remember and adjust. And not all of that may be due to the tumor--I have a much more regimented schedule now than I used to, and there are at least 3-4 appointments every day, in addition to all the things that I normally do. I was never all THAT organized (though thank gawd I'm pretty organized), so I can imagine this would have been a problem for me even with full brain functionality.

But there are the other bizarre and interesting things. As I think I mentioned once, the tumor goes right through the center of my brain, right between the two hemispheres. What this means is that it interferes sometimes with right-brain, left-brain communication. Given the size of the thing I saw from the MRI scan, I'm amazed it doesn't interfere a whole lot more. I only notice these things every now and again.

For example, my left hand, which works just fine, will reach across to take something that my (still numb) right hand is carrying, and my right hand won't let go. So there will be this brief tug-of-war, which lasts maybe all of three seconds before I notice that something is not happening and focus enough to tell my right hand to let go. This has happened only a couple of times since the surgery, and actually at this point I rather doubt it will happen again. Still--mighty interesting.

The right half of my body is still numbish, from the shoulder all the way down to the foot. But I'm feeling a little something--sort of a little tingle. When I clasp my hands together it feels like my hands. A few days ago it felt like I was shaking someone else's hand. And I can feel pain there now. I've realized I'm going to have to go very easy on the yoga, because I'm too numb on the right side to tell when I've overdone it. I think I strained a muscle over there, because something hurts a bit. But I don't mind, because that means I'm feeling something. Feeling something is good--even if it's pain.

But mostly I'm pain free. I don't have to take anything, much to the surprise of my doctors--no ibuprofen, no Tylenol, and certainly not the high-grade prescription pain killers they gave me for just-in-case. I've had no headaches, despite the dire predictions that there would be plenty, and I've had no fatigue or anything else that I'm supposed to be feeling. I don't even take naps anymore.

Weirdly, this is a much better physical state than even my normal one. I still think it's the FOCC! Or more specifically, the ground flax seeds and flax seed oil. Look the stuff up on Google--it has some amazing properties. I've certainly become a believer.