more about that recovery...

...both good and bad. We'll start with the bad first, just to get it out of the way, but also because it looks kind of nasty all written out, and I want to assert (for like the hundredth time!) that it really doesn't feel to me as bad as it sounds--especially given how far I've come in the recovery process. I'm okay with things, and I'm okay with this. When you lose the power to walk or to write and then you gain it back again, believe me, you have a whole new respect for whatever it is your body CAN do. I'm happy for all of it, and I notice all of it in a way I never did before.

So the bad is this: I may never regain sensation in the right half of my body. I might get some of it back--some people do--but it is hard to predict. It depends what this tumor does with itself once it's dead. Some people reabsorb the dead cells (I thought they all did, but apparently this is not the case). Some people just go through their lives with a big old dead tumor right through the middle of their brains. This doesn't impact their life expectancy or anything, but it can impact their brain function, because obviously it gets in the way of the neural pathways.

And so it goes.

So anyway, as with many of our conversations with the doctors, this one, again, was harder on my loved ones than on me. My dad was completely overcome--he couldn't speak. But I keep telling people, this is not so bad. It is so much better now than it was before, and I can get by like this--you really do get used to things. And it's not like I'm completely devoid of sensation--I just don't have the same sensations I used to. I'll always have to be very, very careful about the lack of pain receptors on my right side--I can get scalded easily, because I don't know how hot things are when I pick them up; I smash up my toes easily, because I don't feel that they are there, and I have to be careful about where my hands go. I don't want to lose any fingers, fer cryin' out loud. But you do learn the workarounds. You learn what you need to watch out for.

So it's not so bad.

In the mean time, I'd like to say something about the joys of feeling good, and I want to share a really easy way to make sure you feel as good as you can. Here's what I've been doing every day as part of my physical recovery process. And as I posted before, I'm way ahead of the curve--so something is working. I think it's that flax seed oil. Do look it up--the anticarcinogenic properites of flax seed oil have really only been getting attention here in the US in the past two years, and the potential is astonishing. I'm a believer.

So here's what I do.

Diet:

Twice a day I eat this mixture of goodies over raspberries and blueberries:

2 tbsp freshly ground flax seeds
3 tbsp flax seed oil
6 tbsp Greek yoghurt
honey to taste

This needs to be mixed really well in order to optimize digestion. I use a little blender for this purpose.

Vitamins:

1000 mg vitamin C
green tea tablet (or just drink green tea)
vitamin D
magnesium/potassium tablet (chemo depletes your potassium, so you have to supplement)
2 Omega-3 capsules

Eat lots of:

green leafy vegetables, which I like lightly stir-fried in a bit of olive oil
(swiss chard is my favorite, but I also like spinach, broccoli, mustard greens--you name it, really)
protein--I'm a big believer in the health benefits of chicken and fish, especially salmon

Also recommended by various anti-cancer diets:

dark chocolate
red wine
lots of water, to wash out all that chemo!

Avoid:
red meat
sugar
empty carbs

My Daily Exercise Routine:

I do a very easy, 20-minute yoga stretch program every morning. It has helped me regain my motor coordination in my very-resistant right foot, and it's helping me tone the muscles that get particularly depleted by the medication I'm on (one of the side-effects of the drugs that shrink the tumor is loss of muscle mass--you can get quite out of shape and even fat on this stuff! Talk about insult to injury!)

So here's the routine. I feel GREAT after I do this. Disclaimer: for whatever reason, I am more stretchy now than I was to begin with. Probably because there's a lot less muscle in the way now than there used to be (I lost about ten pounds after the surgery, and it was all muscle mass). I remember some of these stretching moves from before, and I actually do them better now. There are other moves, though, that I had to work into very gradually. I couldn't balance at all at first, not even with two legs (still can't do it on one), and there were many moves I didn't dare try. The ones that came back last were the typical yoga moves that require balance and strength: Warriors I and II. And I'm not allowed to do Downward Facing Dog at all because my head is never supposed to go below horizontal. So this is not quite typical yoga--it's just really a warm up that makes you feel super good.

A Gentle, Horizontal-Head Yoga Routine:

1. flexing toe points
-first seated, legs out in front
-then standing: up on tiptoe, then back on heels again
2. bent knee stretch, both sides.
3. standing toe lifts—hold onto a counter for this for balance. Then lift to toes: first together, then alternating feet
4. arm swings—loose first, to warm up. Stand and swing your arms about your body loosely. Then do some arm circles: little ones first, then a second group larger circles.
5. Mountain Pose—arms overhead, looking up. Then clasp your hands behind your back and gently move your spine forward to the horizontal in order to stretch your back. Come back to center.
6. Chair Pose: arms overhead, knees bent. Hold for a few seconds. Then hold onto something, like the back of a sofa, and come down to a flat back (hold back of sofa to do this). Hold the stretch, arms stretched out front to sofa. Repeat. (This feels GREAT. It’s my version of a modified downward-facing-dog)
7. Seated forward bend. Sit on mat in staff pose, legs extended out front. Stretch to toes and hold.
8. Seated Twist: cross one leg over the other at the knee; twist body and hold. Repeat other side.
9. Thigh openers and stretches--both sides. I do the pigeon pose here for this one.
10. Upward plank pose: lean back, legs out in front of you. Lift up on arms. Hold.
11. Lotus position. Hold lotus and stretch your arms: 1) cow face pose (stretch your right arm out overhead, then bend down at the elbow; stretch your left arm behind your back and try to touch the opposite hand). Both sides. 2) Then stretch out your shoulders by crossing your arms in front of you at the elbow and grasping your hands for a bit of a twist. Here is the description from the Yoga Journal page:

Stretch your arms straight forward, parallel to the floor, and spread your scapulas wide across the back of your torso. Cross the arms in front of your torso so that the right arm is above the left, then bend your elbows. Snug the right elbow into the crook of the left, and raise the forearms perpendicular to the floor. The backs of your hands should be facing each other.

Press the right hand to the right and the left hand to the left, so that the palms are now facing each other. The thumb of the right hand should pass in front of the little finger of the left. Now press the palms together (as much as is possible for you), lift your elbows up, and stretch the fingers toward the ceiling.

I’m not sure what this pose is called, but it’s a common one—it’s a variant of the eagle pose, just from the seated position. It stretches the back and the back of the arm muscles wonderfully.

12. Lotus, plus arm lifts (scale pose). This is a dangerous move and must be done carefully. Don’t overdo it, and make absolutely sure that you’ve done your arm warm-ups before you try it. Twice in the past (when I was healthy, too!) I’ve injured myself with this move, and it takes a good six weeks to recover. But here it is: put yourself into Lotus, then place your hands by your hips and lift your entire body off the ground for 8-12 seconds. It’s extremely easy to give yourself a six-week shoulder ache with this one, so don’t do more than ONE of these at the most. The reason I like it, though, is because over time it makes your arms look great.
13. Plank pose, cobra pose (half backbend).
14. Child’s pose.
15. Repeat plank and cobra pose (half backbend).
16. Straddle stretches—from the mat, straddle your legs out into a V and stretch your back—keeping it as straight as possible—out in front: left first, then center, then right.
17. From standing:

warrior I pose
extended side angle
extended triangle pose
warrior II pose

18. Sit-ups: straight sit-ups first (but don’t come all the way up! Keep your back flat and lift only half-way), then side sit-ups. For these you lie on your side, knees bent, then lift up to a half-sit up. I do one set on both sides.
19. Waist bends, from seated position on knees. Cross your hands behind your head, then dip your body to the right and come back to center. Repeat on the left to complete set.
20. Final stretch: mountain pose