home again

As of today I am home again. Back in my own house, doing my own things, sleeping in my own bed. It makes such a difference to be able to control your own life and your own time schedule--fun though it is to go back home for a while, where everything is taken care of for you, and to play at being a kid again. Still--one of the joys of growing up (as I tell my daughter, who really isn't on board with this growing up thing at all) is that you get to do things the way you want them. You can keep around your favorite snacks, watch whatever you like on tv, put your stuff wherever you want it to go, have dinner or not (and go straight to dessert!)--it's all up to you. I love being able to make all those decisions and then change my mind if I want to.

So my day begins very early now--around 5 am. That's mostly because of the medication schedule I'm on, so as I continue to titrate I am able to sleep a little later. At the same time, awaking early was one of those things I always wanted for myself. I love waking up in the dark, sipping my coffee, and watching the sun rise. It may be my favorite part of the day.

I'm all done with the treatments as of January 6--that's the last day of radiation. January 6 is Twelfth Night--the traditional end of Christmas. I think it's an appropriate day for the end of my treatment and the beginning of, well, the rest of my life. And of course Twelfth Night is my favorite Shakespeare play.

So it's a good day for new beginnings. I will be having quite a few coming up, and I'm very much looking forward to all of them.

In order to have new beginnings, I've decided, one needs to declutter. I've been decluttering everything--my brain, my classes, the hard drive on my computer, my webpages, and now my house. I've been working at it almost nonstop. I'm astonished at how good it feels to know where stuff is and know that it's going to work when you need it. And I'm particularly astonished at how long it's been niggling me in the back of my mind to do this stuff, and how I just kept not doing it. The house and its accoutrements were just a sign of the larger mental clutter that was there preventing me from living my life before. But then, I've been saying that all this time. It wasn't that hard to finally clean it all out, either, so what was it that I was doing all that time?

Just feeling weighed down and overburdened by dumb stuff, I guess.

But it's gone now. All those mental burdens are gone. There are things that still make me sad, but the weight is gone--it's like I've been able to release it and just move on.

And now I think I'm done with this subject. Next time: Miyazaki. We just watched Spirited Away again. What a phenomenal movie. I'm going to teach it next time I teach Folk Lit.