daily patterns

I love the idea of following the natural patterns--the patterns of the sun, the patterns the body wants to take, naturally. Not fighting the urge for that afternoon nap feels so natural and good and right.

Not that I have those much anymore. Supposedly the radiation should exhaust me, but other than one night when they boosted the dosage, it hasn't. I feel great. My theory is that it's because everything else in my life is so perfect right now. I'm totally happy. What more did I ever want than to be surrounded by my family and by people I think are vital and interesting and funny and who love me? I keep saying--every day is like Christmas around here.

(And I also credit the FOCC. No kidding. That stuff works. I think everyone should eat it. They'd never get brain tumors.)

But I digress! I believe I was talking about patterns.

So my new pattern is actually one I've always wanted for myself. I get up very early--maybe around 5 am. I force myself to stay in bed until then so I can spend morning breakfast routines with my family--I'm very into morning rituals. Then I hop up and make myself an espresso. Or maybe six. I allow myself only two caffeinated shots; then I go to decaf. All my senses are somewhat desensitized because of my current medication, though, so I really can't tell the difference.

So I wake up while it's still dark; I sip my coffee and watch the sunrise. After a while my family gets up--first my dad, also an early-riser, then, around 6:30 am, my daughter. I make her cocoa and she snuggles in a big arm chair next to me as she finishes waking up. It's just the two of us at that point; my dad has his own morning routines, and he is usually off doing vigorous exercise somewhere. Meanwhile, my daughter watches the morning birds out the window--she love this--and I chat with her and write.

I toast us a few bagels and we eat them. Various family members wake up and stagger in, one by one. By 6:30 or 7 am, we are all here in the kitchen, fixing our various meals and eating them.

These are our routines. They feel so natural and so right.

They are, alas, the last of the routines I get for my day--at least until late afternoon. My daylight hours now revolve almost entirely around treatments. I get radiation 5 days a week; this takes precedence over everything else. We squeeze in what normality we can, but it's a busy schedule. I can't pick up my daughter from school anymore, because I'm not allowed to drive, but I like to be there when my mom brings her home. And the schedule gets a little more sane around then. As much as possible we spend our late afternoons back at our own house, just sitting with the kitty, playing games, doing homework, and reading. And listening to music! I've downloaded all these pieces from the 19th century I used to love--how could I have forgotten about them? The Saens-Sanz Organ Symphony, Dvorak's New World Symphony, all these grand Bach choral pieces. I listen to them as I do my late afternoon yoga.

A this point I can make dinner at home on my own again. Paul is usually here by then to help me. This is nice, too: we make dinner and have that glass of red wine prescribed by my FOCC diet--it tastes a little weird because of all the medication I'm on, but it's still good. Just different than it used to be. We eat and clean everything back up again, and then Paul takes me and my daughter back to my parents' house for bed. That maximizes her normalcy; she wakes up in the same place every day; she can get her breakfast and my mom can get her to school at the appointed hour.

It's all becoming part of a peaceful pattern.