conversations from the radiation room

The waiting room for radiation is, believe it or not, a very upbeat and happy place. There is always a nice buffet-style lunch waiting, courtesy, the note says, of the radiation staff. At least once a week there is a plate of wraps; sometimes there's a cobb salad, sometimes cold cuts. Anticipation of the free food seriously cheers both my father and Paul.

And I am beginning to feel like the other patients there are all friends. We all have to go in daily for our treatments, after all, so we see each other a lot, and we have much in common. One woman there, Donna, is very much like me--she is almost exactly the same age as I, and she, too, finishes her therapy next week. Her diagnosis was not quite so positive as mine in the beginning--her cancer had metastasized. But she learned today that her doctors think she will recover and that there's a pretty good chance of wiping this thing out. Donna opted for a very aggressive treatment program, which she has been worrying about ever since, because there are physical consequences for high doses of radiation. You have to assess the risks and the payoffs. But her decision seems to have been the right one. She, too, is making incredible progress, despite several (non-related) setbacks. What I worried about yesterday in my blog post about potentially injuring myself did in fact happen to her: she fell several weeks ago and messed up her leg, and has thus been wearing a supportive boot-cast ever since. But she's doing well now, and walking again like me--even though she has at this point, I'd say, been through much worse than I have. She is inspiration embodied.

Donna, too, opted to shave her head. She looks quite nice with no hair. Much better than I do, I'd have to say. We both agreed that having no hair--especially when it's your choice to give it up!--is very liberating. It's a symbol of going ahead and accepting what has happened to you so that you can take control of it.

But to be more precise, it's about taking control over yourself. We can't influence the things that happen to us, and we can't influence the people around us, what they're going to say, think, or do. But we don't have to. What other people decide they want to think and do is their own problem.

What impacts us, in the end, is what we want to do with it all.

And what I want to do is to be happy.

p.s. Did I mention how quick it is to get ready in the morning when all you have to do is pull on a wig? To think of the hours--the days, months, years!--I must have spent fiddling with my danged hair every morning, when I could have just been doing it this way!

I may never go back.