I saw so many strange things on the other side--I don't want to forget them. First the was the almost molecular-like sensation of getting scanned by the MRI in that strange preoperative state. An MRI is loud and the effect for me--though apparently no one else! --is this strange settling of the normal images in my brain into geometric patterns. I saw things I have never seen before. I can't explain it--almost like the normal images in my brain were being vibrated into new patterns. Strange and harmomonic and geometrically proportionate. But I'm glad I remember it--I don't expect too many people get to experience that one. It's worth experiencing.
It's like I've seen a pattern and a structure underlying life that I didn't know was there. This is not a moral structure or a religious structure--it's just a structure, and everything accommodates everything else, and there is room for new structures and patterns, too. I saw it--saw the new ones forming and branching off, and sometimes disappearing altogether. I saw it all.
All of this has left me with such a peaceful feeling--that life is just this ongoing movement. And we're all a part of it, and so many of our efforts are spent in things that don't matter too much in the long run. It's a very long run we're talking about--longer than our own single lifetimes--and there are lots of things to see and do and feel--and it all matters.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I love reading your blog. I am praying for you.
thank you so much for writing--your comments mean a lot to me!
Wow, very mystical and philosophical - I like it. And really, I can't think of a better person to be this kind of guide for the rest of us through a crisis. Your gifts of perception and analysis (and seemingly relative calm in a situtation in which I would totally freak out) make this not only an accesible "How To" manual, but enjoyable as well in a sort of Grasshopper-Zen master way. Very cool. Surely we will all look to you to find out what it's all about? And how it turns out.
Wow Laurel, what a great post, all of these! And had I not read your blog, I wonder if I would have known you were going through this...Amazing. Keep writing 'cause I'll be reading and keeping you in my thoughts.
P.S. Just finishing my like 80th draft of my dissertation and I have to tell you how relieved I was to see you starting a sentence with "And." :)) I used to, of course, before the academic police locked away all style our language has.
Although I've not been through what you're going through, I've had some wild out-of-body experiences. They really do give you another orientation to the meaning of "living"
Peace
Laurel, this post is so beautiful. I find myself reading it over and over. Thank you.
Have you ever read Roger Zelazny's Amber Series? There was a pattern there too. It made me think of the pattern you saw because this pattern orders the universe. Aside from that, the series is a fun romp... though I warn you, it was written in the 70s so it is James Bondish in its treatment of women and masculinity.
Peace & Hugs
I _love_ the Amber series--Roger Zelazny, for those who don't know it. I've been thinking of the series a lot lately--it really speaks to some of these things. Think I'll read it again!
Post a Comment