alpha moms

I had an encounter with an alpha mom yesterday. Usually I have a pretty good radar for these people, but this woman caught me by surprise.

"What are you reading?" she asked me. I showed her my book: part III of the Bartimaeus Trilogy (and a most worthy read it was, too).

"Oh yes," she says. "My daughter and I read that one."

Really? I ask, surprised. After all, it only just came out this weekend. But, unsuspecting, I nevertheless rhapsodize about the book, and ask her about how her daughter has handled the reading. I mean, this isn't a friendly book. It's cynical and nasty, with lots of scatalogical humor. Not to mention all the scary demons. Just my kind of thing....but maybe not my daughter's?

"Oh, well, MY daughter read One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest when she was six. So she can pretty much handle anything."

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? Yeah, so your kid can read the words, so what. Do you really want her reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest when she's six years old?

I begin to suspect this woman.

"OH, well she's already earned her black belt in karate, of course." (Careless laughter ensues.) "It's not like anything fazes HER. Hah! Hah! Hah!"

I am saved (saved!) by the approach of another mom. This one looks more normal, and asks in a friendly voice how Alpha Mom's holiday went.

"WELL! We took our daughter skiing. She went right up to the highest hill right away, even though she's never been skiing before. On the way down she stopped to tell another girl, in Spanish, how to slow down!!!"

By now I am wondering if I'm somehow wandered onto the set of Desperate Housewives. Do people really act like this? The other mom pretends she has spotted her child and drifts away. Alpha Mom is unfazed by the defection and keeps going. Too bad I'm sitting. She's got a captive audience.

"THEN we made these Christmas cookies and there I was, wrapping them all up in these elaborate cellophane decorations, and I'm looking around for the rest of them, and my daughter points out I've already done them all! Hah! Hah! How would you ever believe I made it through Law School?"

I decide Alpha Mom is schizophrenic and begin to edge away nervously. Perhaps this is one of her personalities...the dysfunctional, compete-with-people-you-don't-even-know personality. Whatever it is, it isn't an enjoyable personality, and I've had enough. I, too, pretend to spot my daughter (heck, it worked for that other woman), and wave gaily goodbye.

And already I am plotting what I will write in my blog about her.